Adam Everhit?

The Minnesota Twins once again failed to pull off any deals at today's trade deadline, causing feelings of shock and disbelief in nobody in the land of 11,842 [10 acre or larger] lakes.  The failure to complete a deal forced the Casillaless Twins to start middle infielder Adam Everett.

Everett, who was signed as a free agent from the Houston Astros, hasn't played a game since May 21st.  Earlier this week, Everett was designated for assignment, and was expected to report to the Twins triple-A affiliate unless a current Twins infielder were to get hurt.

Suddenly, things got very interesting in Minnesota.  Alexi Casilla was sent to the disabled list, and is likely out for the season with an injury to his finger.  The injury to the Twins' everyday second baseman has enabled Everett to be recalled to the Twins big league roster, but has also risen suspicion of Harding-esque foul play. 

The uncertainty prompted a three second investigation of Everett for allegedly hiring someone to assault Alexi Casilla.

Among the compiled evidence was an application filled out and signed by Everett, and reviewed and denied by the local Mob Boss.  Another paper included was a print-off of Everett's career and season stats showing that Everett entered tonight's game batting just .187 on the season with a career .246 average at the dish.  The probe of Everett was quickly halted as these documents proved his innocence.

The lead investigator had this to say, "Because Everett is so bad at getting hits, he couldn't even get a hit [put] on himself."

Everett finished tonight's contest against the White Sox 0-for-5 at the plate, stranding 6 runners on base, dropping his season batting average to .177, and raising the question, "Will Adam ever hit safely again?"

Nick Punto is currently under investigation.