Unrelievable!!!

“Today, I consider myslef the luckiest fan on the face of the earth.”

In front of me, a television set is weaving a plot that will surely end in the Twins taking over the central division lead.  Behind me are the short-lived memories of the not so little “ace” that couldn’t.  Goodbye Livan, Hello Francisco.

The moment Twins fans have been awaiting all season has finally arrived.  Francisco “Franchise” Liriano was handed a baseball and given permission to occupy the bump.  The result:  six scoreless.  He rarely looked like the young Liriano of old, but he still offered up a performance far more deserving of a steak dinner than anything Hernandez had done lately.

Twins releivers pitched the 7th inning on and allowed two runs to the Indians…good chance the Twins lost, right?  Wrong!  I know it’s hard to believe, but without Hernandez allowing his 5.48  earned runs per nine innings to the opposition, the Twins actually caught a glimpse of hope; not to mention, the White Sox.

Liriano’s return couldn’t have come at a better time unless it had come much, much sooner.

Don’t be too quick to judge Liriano.  After all, it was only one start.  Liriano, who is not even half as good as the one from two much missed years ago, is unlikely to be much worse than he was in his outing today.  To imagine him back to his form at the start of the season would be unrelievable.  That is to say it would be like imagining the Twins employing the likes of Livan Hernandez, and who would want that?

Adam Everhit?

The Minnesota Twins once again failed to pull off any deals at today’s trade deadline, causing feelings of shock and disbelief in nobody in the land of 11,842 [10 acre or larger] lakes.  The failure to complete a deal forced the Casillaless Twins to start middle infielder Adam Everett.

Everett, who was signed as a free agent from the Houston Astros, hasn’t played a game since May 21st.  Earlier this week, Everett was designated for assignment, and was expected to report to the Twins triple-A affiliate unless a current Twins infielder were to get hurt.

Suddenly, things got very interesting in Minnesota.  Alexi Casilla was sent to the disabled list, and is likely out for the season with an injury to his finger.  The injury to the Twins’ everyday second baseman has enabled Everett to be recalled to the Twins big league roster, but has also risen suspicion of Harding-esque foul play. 

The uncertainty prompted a three second investigation of Everett for allegedly hiring someone to assault Alexi Casilla.

Among the compiled evidence was an application filled out and signed by Everett, and reviewed and denied by the local Mob Boss.  Another paper included was a print-off of Everett’s career and season stats showing that Everett entered tonight’s game batting just .187 on the season with a career .246 average at the dish.  The probe of Everett was quickly halted as these documents proved his innocence.

The lead investigator had this to say, “Because Everett is so bad at getting hits, he couldn’t even get a hit [put] on himself.”

Everett finished tonight’s contest against the White Sox 0-for-5 at the plate, stranding 6 runners on base, dropping his season batting average to .177, and raising the question, “Will Adam ever hit safely again?”

Nick Punto is currently under investigation.

The Minnesota Donaghys

Mere hours after being sentenced to 15 months in federal prison, the Minnesota Donaghys struck again. Doing everything in their power to stay rich, the ball club sent three of their worst players to the mound in what was their most important game of the season thus far. The reason for the [not-so-good] slew of slingers is believed to be that the move keeps more money in the pockets of the Donaghys.

When asked why they didn’t send out a starter with talent, the Donaghys GM admitted, “In order to replace the current starter, we’d have had to make a move that makes sense, but loses dollars. That just didn’t seem like an option to me.”

By holding off calling up Francisco Liriano until August 1st, the Donaghys will avoid having the young lefty go through salary arbitration at the end of the 2008 season; a move that will almost certainly result in a retractable roof swimming pool being built at the house of each Donaghy front office employee.

The pitchers included in the newest scandal include Livan Hernandez, Boof Bonser and Brian Bass. Had the Donaghys made the call down to Triple-A, they would have put themselves in a much better position to take over the lead in the central division. Instead they opted to throw their worst statistical starter to ensure their money wasn’t going anywhere, and that 1st place would remain securely with division rivals, the Chicago White Sox.

The Sox went on to win the game 8-3 over the Donaghys, once again giving them a 1 1/2 game lead over the Donaghys in the central. It wasn’t until the score was 8-1 that any foul play was suspected.

With 59 days left before the Donaghys are required to report to prison, the judicial system will hear the case one more time with the new evidence. The prosecution is seeking additional time for the Donaghys as a result of this relapse.

Hernandez, Bonser and Bass all declined to comment.

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